Top Tips for Parents for Resolving Disputes Involving Children
Divorce proceedings are tough for parents, and often worse for and children invovled. It is incumbent on the parents to do their very best to shield their children from conflict and to seek an amicable resolution that best suits the children.
Here are some points to bear in mind as parents as you embark on discussions relating to your children’s arrangements post-separation:-
1) Your children’s best interests should be at the forefront of your considerations.
The plans should be guided by what is best for the children and that should take priority at all times. It is a child’s right to have a positive relationship with both parents and to have them involved in their upbringing.
2) Focus on the future, don’t dwell on the past.
Regardless of your differences, you as parents should enter the discussions with an open mind, and avoid casting blame on each other. Your focus should be on what best can be done going forward, rather than rehashing the past, which cannot be changed.
3) Differentiate your relationship as co-parents vs as former spouses/partners.
Sustaining a marriage requires a joint effort and compromise; amicably ending one requires the same from both parents.
It is often helpful to create a “mission statement”, which identifies what you each as parents want to achieve for your children at the conclusion of your settlement. The document can help anchor your discussions on relevant issues, highlight common goals to reinforce unity, focus your parental attention on the priorities for the children and re-direct you if the dialogue veers off course.
4) Always “reality check”
Sometimes parents may get stuck in discussions. To break an impasse, it is helpful for you each to ask yourself questions such as “Is the dispute over practicalities or principles?”, “How will the outcome I seek make things better for our children?” or “Is what I’m asking for really feasible in the circumstances and best for our children?” For example, asking for time with the children for half of all school holidays because you deem it “fair” to you when, in reality, you cannot be available during such extended periods due to work or other commitments, but the other parent can, is perhaps not in the best interest of the children.
5) Resolve small differences first – then move on
You may want to identify the less contentious issues and resolve them first, before moving on to the more troublesome and confronting issues. Doing this will help to generate momentum in the settlement negotiations and build up a positive environment.
6) Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you require additional support, you can seek assistance from a range of experts, including lawyers, child therapists/psychologists, mediators, or parenting coordinators. The breakdown of a relationship and its impact have many consequences. It involves a multitude of issues –emotional, financial, and legal, so more than one professional may be required to assist. Using a team approach, with each professional assisting in their area of expertise, can help the family holistically. The Collaborative Practice process is one of the dispute resolution options, which caters for a team approach and in which all the professionals involved have contracted to help the parties keep their family disputes out of Court.
For more information or assistance on dealing with children matters, please contact our team at CRB at info@crb.com.hk.
Disclaimer : This publication is general in nature and is not intended to constitute legal advice. You should seek professional advice before taking any action in relation to the matters dealt with above.